For years, I believed something that was never meant for me.

I believed I was supposed to get married.
I believed I was supposed to have children.
I believed that a man was supposed to complete me.

Why? Because I was raised in a church culture that made it clear: womanhood, in its highest form, was a ring on the finger, a baby on the hip, and a husband at the helm. That message was everywhere...on the pulpit, in the women's ministry, in the prayer circles. And for me, that message came wrapped in the language of the Assemblies of God Evangelical church, where marriage wasn’t just encouraged, it was expected. Idolized, even.

Single women weren’t celebrated. We were projects. A “prayer request.” A season waiting to pass.

And so I tried to be “normal.”
I contorted myself into what I thought was the blueprint for biblical womanhood.
I dated with the hope of finding The One.
I downplayed my independence to appear more "submissive."
I measured my worth against my relationship status.

But the truth kept whispering to me, louder and louder as the years went on:
I have always been a better version of myself as a single woman.
Flourishing. Thriving. Whole.

Realizing I Was Indoctrinated, Not Empowered

It took many years and deep reflection to realize that what I was taught wasn't spiritual truth, it was cultural conditioning. The kind that tells women their highest calling is to be chosen by a man, while ignoring the sacredness of choosing themselves.

That realization unraveled everything.

What I once thought was “humility” was actually self-erasure.
What I mistook as “preparation for marriage” was emotional repression.
And what I thought was "God’s design" was actually a rigid box built by patriarchy.

The Power of De-Centering Men

Once I began the process of de-centering men from my life...not hating, not blaming, but releasing the idea that my life had to orbit around them, everything changed.

My mental health improved.⁣
My peace of mind returned.⁣
My clarity became undeniable.⁣
My confidence grew roots.⁣
My nervous system was regulated.⁣
My joy became mine, not dependent on attention, affection, or approval.

And the most profound shift? My relationship with the Lord grew exponentially as I stopped performing and started being.⁣
For the first time, I wasn’t striving. I was living.⁣

Worth Was the Turning Point

Realizing my worth was the revolution.

Not the worth someone else saw in me.
Not the kind of worth affirmed by a relationship status.
But the kind of worth that says:

"I am whole. I am enough. And I am not waiting to be chosen."

I began to ask: “What if I’m happiest this way?”
And the answer came back, calm and clear:
I am.

Choosing Singleness on Purpose

I haven’t stumbled into singleness. I’ve chosen it. Intentionally. Joyfully. Peacefully.

And not because I’m afraid of love or bitter about the past, but because I know the cost of losing myself in order to be loved by someone else. And I’m not willing to pay that price.

This peace? This clarity? This freedom?⁣
It's sacred.⁣
It’s not up for negotiation.⁣

I no longer see singleness as a gap in my life or a scarlet letter. I see it as the garden I’ve cultivated with my own hands.⁣⁣
And I’ll be here, blooming...unapologetically.⁣
And the most profound shift? My relationship with the Lord grew exponentially as I stopped performing and started being.⁣
For the first time, I wasn’t striving. I was living.⁣

If You’re Reading This…

… and you’ve felt the pressure. The shame. The loneliness that comes not from being single, but from being made to feel that your singleness is a problem to solve,
Let me say this:
You are not unfinished. You are not broken. You are not waiting.

Sometimes, the most radical thing you can do in a world that tells women to wait for love is to love your life exactly as it is, free, full, and entirely your own.

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